The Pirate King     by Fred    

    This is a true tale on how our current king, the Sea Baron, took the throne of Mal Dora for himself.

    It all began many years ago -- not many remember these times. During the reign of the old pirate king, there sailed the seas a fierce pirate whom everybody took to calling Neckbeard, due to the terrifying visage of said facial hair! Indeed, he was infamous and powerful in his own right, but not so much as the grandson of Blackbeard -- Diablobeard. Many have heard the tales of Blackbeard, plunderer of the world's mighty empires, but nobody ever mentions Blackbeard's grandson. So great was his wickedness, his very name was struck from the records! Aye, not even fit for legends are the most evil of men.

    It was during the time of Diablobeard that Neckbeard fell in love with princess Eleena, daughter of the late king. She was a fine lass -- most beautiful in the kingdom, they said. But alas, Neckbeard was just a lowly pirate captain, not fit for courting royalty. Only a noble, indeed, from the household of one of the 13 pirate lords had the privledge to the princess's hand. There was, however, a way, the slimmest chance to attain his desires. Yes, for you see, Diablobeard was pillaging and razing every coastal city and fortress of Mal Dora. If he kept it up much longer, there would not be a single living person on this fair continent! Somebody had to stop him, and not all of the king's fleet and his best pirate captains could challenge Diablobeard. His formidability was attributed to the ungodly powers granted him by his ancient artifacts, rumored to have been collected off the very floor of the sea. Then as Diablobeard finished razing the greatest port and city on our continent, he set his eyes on the king's great floating palace.

    Through the king's fleet he sailed as if through paper, nobody could even slow him down! Captain Neckbeard, seeing an opportunity, set out to confront the evil pirate Diablobeard. After a fierce battle lasting nearly a tenday, Diablobeard was struck down and Neckbeard scuttled his entire fleet! Then Neckbeard returned to the palace, with all of Diablobeard's treasures and plunder. The king granted Neckbeard his daughter, and he took her to dine on her balcony. Among the many delicacies he presented from Diablobeard's ship, he took out a priceless jade chalice, unlike any other chalice eyes have ever been set upon. A sweet scent wafted up from the chalice -- from mere water! It enticed the young girl's tastebuds and begged her to ask for a sip of that clear liquid. Neckbeard said to her, it was Aqua Vitae, which he had found aboard Diablobeard's ship. That is, water from the fountain of youth! The princess drank from the cup and Neckbeard took her to bed. Later that night, the princess began dying. It was then, Neckbeard revealed to her that he had actually given her Aqua Mortis -- water of death -- and had drunk all of the water from the fountain of youth for himself! Then as she breathe her last, Neckbeard stormed the king's castle, slew him, and took the throne for his own. For the last century, he has ruled us as our king, the Sea Baron.

    But that is not the end of the story, oh no. Unbeknowest to Neckbeard, and fortunately for the princess, what Neckbeard had actually discovered and given her was Aqua Somnis. The princess is not dead, but asleep, and to this day, she sleeps away in the bowls of the earth, waiting for the kiss of true love to set her free.